Posted by: jmark | May 11, 2006

Church Weed Watch

Gardeners’ Corner
Weed Watch

Some of our gardens are in better shapes than others, but we always need to be on the lookout for weeds. The following are among the hardiest in the church garden, but need to be dealt with if any real growth is to be noticed.

Nonus Bendus – A particularly difficult weed to shift. Has been around for a long time and has never budged before, so why start now. Very attached to its roots.

Notmyjobis – While many other plants take their part in breaking up the ground, fertilising the soil, pollinating and flowering, etc., this weed takes no active role in the flowerbed. Best recognised by its total dormancy.

Mono Mano Bandis – A close relation to the previous culprit, this weed is often surrounded by a number of others of similar ilk. It leaves all the work of the garden up to the gardener; after all “that’s what he’s paid for”.

Infearandtremblingus – Masquerades as a flower, but is actually a weed. This plant is paralysed by a sense of weakness. It is easily discouraged by the hardness of the soil and the hazardous climate. Sounds like a plant that needs special care, but, however, this weakness is only a ‘red herring’; the plant is known for drooping in even the best of climates. It will hold back any growth or expansion in the flowerbed.

Me inmy smallcornerus – Experts have concluded that this is not one plant but a tightly knit cluster of plants which huddle together and can fill a flowerbed. Sounds good, but this group produces nothing good, and will reject any attempt to bring in new life. Happy with things the way they are, they have no desire to see new plants.

Dividusandconquerus – Looking much like a flower to begin with, this is actually a hostile weed. It moves into a flowerbed and very quickly entrenches itself between other plants, causing great damage. Other plants fail to flower because all their energy is sapped combating this weed. Consequently the plot becomes very dishevelled in appearance. Characterised by an utter lack of regard for other plants.

Sacrificeisntmykettleoffishus – Other plants will gladly give up some of their space, or do without for the good of the flowerbed. Many other plants recognise the principle of growth through sacrifice. Not this weed; it is unwilling to give up anything for others or for itself.

Neitherhotnorcoldus – Is it a flower or a weed? We’re not quite sure. It certainly doesn’t bloom like a flower, or show any interest in the beauty or growth of the flowerbed.

Nowyouseemenowyoudontus – Can use up valuable resources in a flowerbed if you have a number of these. Very difficult to deal with. Often deep rooted, but rarely seen, except when they need attention.

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